Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
