I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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