Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
