ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
