Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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