He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
