All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
