My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
