dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
