Sry I called you an 8
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
