i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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