It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
