Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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