Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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