You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
