if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
