But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
