i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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