Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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