Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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