What did we do last night that was yellow?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
