woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
