You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize