They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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