Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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