is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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