Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
