i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
