I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
