Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
