ADVERTISEMENT

• (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  What'd you do?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Its more like what im about to do.

  Fav 6 3966 957

  share tweet
  

• (239): View more from Florida

  I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking

  Fav 61 6141 1189

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (302): View more from Delaware

  You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics

  Fav 2 3831 921

  share tweet
  

• (226): View more from Ontario

  I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.

  Fav 1 2033 1411

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently

  Fav 6 1955 923

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.

  Fav 10 1190 1872

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.

  Fav 3 1343 690

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??

  Fav 3 693 637

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT

  Fav 2 812 557

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?

  Fav 4 661 839

  share tweet
  

• (805): View more from California

  I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.

  Fav 3 805 570

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.

  Fav 0 234 131

  share tweet
  

• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.

  Fav 0 22 54

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose

  Fav 0 62 5

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (613): View more from Ontario

  I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.

  Fav 0 18 70

  share tweet
  

Randomize