Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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