Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
