What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
