i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
