And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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