Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Screwed.edu
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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