What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
