i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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