Fuck appropriateness.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
