So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
