Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize