When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I will pee on everything he values.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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