Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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