His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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