it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
