I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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