Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
