there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
