I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
