Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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