Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need a beard to bite.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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