pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
