If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
