i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
