Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
