hotel room ftw
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
