yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
