i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
