Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
