Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
