wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
