i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
