My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize