About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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