um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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