just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
