We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
