On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize