everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
