One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize