I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
