I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
