im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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