hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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