This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
