Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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