put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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