I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
