i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
