I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
