You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So vagazzling was a success
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
