My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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