Moan for me like Helen Keller
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
